Past the Glittering Screen

One of the things that really worried me in the beginning of my pregnancy was the gender of our baby. I made sure that we booked an appointment with an ultrasound technician (can you BELIEVE that hospitals won't waste precious dollars on finding out whether anxious parents are having a girl or a boy? It's like they only care about the health of the baby!) and found out just past 15 weeks that we were having a boy. Immediately, I had a huge sigh of relief and felt like a burden had been lifted.

I told everyone that I wanted a boy so badly because I wanted to make sure my daughters had an older brother like I have, that it is a family tradition on my husband's side, blah, blah, blah. In reality, what I was truly worried about was me. I worried that having a girl would make me take a closer look at myself as a woman and have to change (or at least disguise) the insecurities that I have so that it is not passed along to them. I would have to stop complaining about how ugly I feel, how fat I think I am or pick apart every flaw I have, whether genuine or completely in my head. 

I did not want my daughters to look at themselves and other women with a critical eye that never penetrated past the surface to see their true substance. I want them to have intellect, a sense of humor, and a kind heart that will last far longer than their beauty ever could. I want something more for them, but I knew that it would cost me my shallowness and tendency to ignore the heart for the face.

However, finding out I am having a boy has caused me to take a closer look at the world he would grow up in (like most parents do). I started to wonder about what kind of a man I want him to become and how my role as his mom will shape how he views women. I realized that it is my responsibility to shape his view of women and their image.

Via heatherhartstudio

The role of women in the media is extremely disheartening. We are put on display as sexual objects that are only as good as we look. Even looking at journalists, which are suppose to be in a place of professionalism and intelligence. On most news stations, the women look little better than strippers (with short skirts, plenty of cleavage and pounds of makeup), while the men look old enough to be their fathers (and sometimes grandfathers). What is this telling the world? That a man can be taken seriously based on the news he is presenting and women are expected to be their pretty props. This is just one example, but throughout media women are only prized for their looks and not for their fearlessness, love, intelligence or personality.

If I want my son to have a different view of women I need to make sure I play an active role in changing it. The more I critically saw and understood the environment I will be birthing my son into, the more I realized that my responsibilities as shaping my son's understanding of women are just as great as having a daughter. If I am shallow and critical of my body as well as others he will learn to have that same critical eye towards the girls he sees. If I put a woman's worth solely on her looks he will do the same shameful thing.

I want my son to have the same love, care and respect for women regardless of their looks. I want him to see them not as objects for his own gratification, but as partners in the race of life. I want him to appreciate a woman's wit and intelligence instead of her cup size. I want him to be free from the suffocating restraints of society and see life as so much more than skin deep. I want him to see past the glittering screen that the world will try to place in front of him to the true depth and beauty of reality.

So over the course of my pregnancy, I have been making slow and conscious changes in how I treat others: no more snap judgments and a deeper appreciation for the soul of a person instead of their body. I have also been concentrating more on my criticism towards myself. To say the least, pregnancy has not been extremely kind to me and I have struggled with the extra weight and haggard expression I have been carrying around. I have started to try to ignore that and cultivate my soul instead. For the first time in years, I have picked up writing poetry again. I have been reading more and trying to use my mind again.

Because at the end of the day, I cannot show my son more what it means to be a woman and how to encourage and appreciate her than to embody that for him.