This year, however, I have been striving to embrace life and lean in rather than searching for an escape. In the depth of winter, it dawned on me that it was a time of rest. Although trees, flowers and animals look like they are dead or gone away, in reality they are resting up and preparing for the bloom ahead.
Likewise, I found comfort in the fact that it was time for resting my weary bones. I had run around for long enough and needed a season of deep and complete renewal. Instead of viewing the darkness as a damper on my day, I finally saw that it was a chance to sleep more. I finally saw that the few months after the holidays is the Earth's chance to renew herself and come back with vigor for the remainder of the year.
I saw the cold weather as a chance to stay by the fire and read powerful words by those who had come before me.
We ate light and nourishing meals and took lots of naps.
I enjoyed my son's smiles in winter's first light.
He's also doing his morning aerobics
I forgave myself for my messy hair, unkept house and wild yard.
I call this style "I didn't brush my teeth either"
We went on walks.
And I watched this precious face all the while.
I spent hours laying next to this precious boy, playing and smiling.
All of us took a moment to be still, soak in the small moments and truly rest.
Although Phiebe always tends to move slowly.
Too often in our culture, we fight against the elements. We turn on lights, air conditioning, heaters, drink coffee, and take painkillers. There is nothing wrong in these things, but if we seek to shut out every part of nature that kills our productivity and inconveniences us, then it is no wonder that we are depressed and run-down. Our greatest strength comes in recognizing and being flexible to the various seasons in nature and within our lives. Although it seems like we are going nowhere, it is only for a time and then we can move forward again.
To my surprise, this was the greatest winter I have had yet. Instead of being consumed by the weather and my circumstances, my energy was rekindled and the fog of depression that always comes at this time was lifted.
And then the first flower popped up in my yard.
Small, unassuming, but a hopeful symbol of renewed life. I felt renewed and ready to take on the new season. It felt natural to start working again. I started decorating the house and signed up to run a 5K on Saturday. I went with Brandon to the store and we started taking back the garden.
It felt good to get my hands dirty and be out in nature again.
And so, the awakening has started. And we are ready with renewed vigor.
